ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
