PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize