im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
