just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize