When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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