dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
