You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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