i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
