so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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