I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize