How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
