Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
