My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
