Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
