I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
