Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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