How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
