I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
