Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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