I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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