Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
false alarm. still invincible.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
