glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize