Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need to stop coming to work sober
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
