I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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