There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I accidentally had phone sex last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
