you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize