Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
