So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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