did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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