3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
