He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
