yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
