I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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