STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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