smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just invented taco cereal.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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