Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
