I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
