You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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