the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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