Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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