Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
