Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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