He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
