why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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