Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
did i walk over a car last night?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
