Quick, to the slutcave!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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