Sry I called you an 8
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
