the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize