You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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