I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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