i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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