Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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