turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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