I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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