you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
