I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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