You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
