Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
