ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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