I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
