How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
