Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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