the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
