I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
