i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
