I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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