So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
