Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
