you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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