Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
