I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
