I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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