he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
