i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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