I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize