gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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